Every now and then, I see signs or hear people tell me this or that about ‘God’. They say “God loves you,” “God loves everyone,” “Everything happens for a reason,” and, sometimes even more often where I live, “God hates fags,” “Sinners be damned,” “AIDS is God’s punishment for fags” (yeah, that’s actually a sign) always some shit about an eternal lake of fire and Satan is generally mixed in somewhere and honestly, I don’t get it. Whatever this ‘God’ is doesn’t really seem to give a shit about any of those things, and beyond that, what is it exactly about us that makes us so sure that ‘God’ is even conscious?
Now sure, ‘God’ might be some omnipotent being (it doesn’t matter, by the way, what name you give it), ‘God’ might be everything. You can’t know. How convenient. I know nothing except what I think I know and I think that everything in the universe is moved by the same force, but I won’t call it ‘God’ and I won’t say it has a consciousness because if it does, it’s an asshole.
If order and disorder emerge from the same chaotic subatomic movements and patterns, so too do good and evil, death and life, male and female, and all of the other ridiculous binaries we’ve created in semi-equal proportion. It is precisely this that makes these binaries false – if they emerge from the same patterns, movements, forces (pick one), then there must also emerge a spectrum of grey area in between where more neutral possibilities exist. The trouble with all this ‘God’ rhetoric is that it acknowledges ‘God’ as the Great Being behind all of the movements and events in the universe but ignores any possibility of neutrality or evil in ‘God’s’ great works, blaming these things on ‘Satan’ (whoever that is). It seems ‘God’ is behind everything, but ‘Satan’ has the power to fuck it up and ‘God’ doesn’t have to take responsibility so s/he/it can claim eternal ‘goodness’.
I’ve known people to claim that they know ‘God’, know he exists and claim to have a very personal relationship with ‘Him’ (I don’t know why ‘God’ is always a Him). My sister even likes to tell me that I’m going to hell if I don’t get in touch with this ‘God’ every time we get drunk together (which doesn’t often happen, thank fuck). And, you know, maybe they’re right. After all, living life ignorant to the chaotic nature of the world and its interconnectedness and trying to subsist every day in desperate attempts to control the uncontrollable does seem a bit like hell to me, but my definition of this strange ‘God’ figure seems lost on folks who claim to know ‘Him’ so I don’t usually bother going there.
My point is, that ‘God’ is nothing. If it is a conscious being, it is absolutely neutral in all things. It does not love you or hate you, protect you or try to smite you – or it might do all of those things simultaneously along with everything in between and everything outside but in the end, it doesn’t matter. That’s right, ‘God’ doesn’t give a shit about you or me or anybody or anything else, not any more than nature, technology, the elements or the stars do. It is simply too big and too everywhere, how could it? You can pray, or light candles, or meditate or ritualistically sacrifice animals or virgins or virgin animals, but in the end everything that is going to happen will happen and you might have influenced it or not, it makes no matter because the world keeps spinning and the universe keeps moving no matter what you do.
That said, you either participate in the world, accountable for your part in its movements and allow that ‘God’ is the manifestation of our consciousness that acknowledges the eternal connectedness of everything and the neutrality of chaos, or you don’t. And either way, it’s all in your head.