Getting up to date


Our time at IDA came to an end a bit early, but Lucky and I got some more time in TN as we spent a couple of weeks with my mother and sister in Martin and I got to hang out with my nieces and nephews for a short while before we left for my older brother’s wedding in New Jersey.  Much of our time in Martin was fairly uneventful – for the most part, there were lots of children running around and lots of bullshit family drama which I refuse to participate in on principle.

We drove to New Jersey from West TN with my mother and two older sisters (I have five siblings).  In an attempt to make our time confined in a vehicle with three volatile personalities (fifteen hours), Lucky and I slept most of the way (or tried to).  Lucky and I shared a room in the hotel with my sisters once we got to Jersey which might have been pleasant if they weren’t constantly at each others’ throats, but thankfully they got over their differences long enough to have a good time with my brother, David, the groom.  The first night after we got to the hotel, the whole family got together for dinner with David and his bride-to-be, Kristy at a bar nearby called Pick-a-Lilly Inn.  It was pretty fucking awesome.  I finally got to meet Kristy, and my whole family with all of my siblings was together for the first time in nearly 10 years.  I had chicken parmigiana and Lucky had shrimp, there was all kinds of awesome seafood – one of our appetizers was cheesy crab bread.  It was an awesome night after such a long ride.

The wedding itself was beautiful.  David and Kristy got married at the Smithville Mansion outside in the gardens.  They wrote their own vows and the wedding was fairly progressive, but mostly it was just sweet – Kristy’s vows were super cute and super funny.  Personally, I’ve never been fond of the concept of marriage, but I do love celebrations and this was a good one.  At the reception, we got drunk on wine, ate some badass food (almost every dish had bacon) and danced to some great music played by a live band.  Of course, some shit had to go down – my cousin Jennifer got cut off because she vomited in the beer cooler and then made a huge scene when the caterers told her she was too drunk, but other than that, shit went alright.  The after party was held at our hotel in the lobby (as if my family actually needed more alcohol), and we pretty much continued what we’d started at the reception until last call.

Lucky and I had intended to continue our travels after the wedding, heading to New York to check out whatever things are being done there, but Lucky realized she was running low on hormones and we needed to head back to place the next order so we caught a ride with my little brother, Alex and his friend Marie who would be passing by our town to drop us off on their way home.  We left at 7am, prepared for a 21-hour ride south which, despite the length of the drive, was way more pleasant than the trip from TN, that is, until some shit went down.

Every Floridian knows Georgia as the unofficial toll road between the “Sunshine State”, and literally everyplace else.  That said, to make it through Georgia without a ticket, or at least without being pulled over, is a damn near impossible task, particularly if you’re driving with FL tags.  On their way up to Jersey, the Georgia highway patrol missed my brother and his companion, but they were not going to let it happen a second time.  Marie got stopped by a uniformed gang member on mile marker 1.  Exactly one mile from the Florida border.  Officer Friendly only wanted to let us know that the tag light was out and the tag was mutilated except, oops, no they weren’t, my mistake but I do have to arrest your friend because she was driving unknowingly with a suspended license.  See, initially he had stopped us for a bullshit problem that wasn’t actually a problem but was enough of an excuse for him to check us out and see if there was anything else he could get us for – and he found it.  So he kidnapped and ransomed our friend for $700 and she had to spend a night in jail because we obviously didn’t just have that in our pocket.  Alex came and stayed with Lucky and me so that he wouldn’t be too far away when he needed to turn around pick Marie up from the jail the next day, and literally made himself sick with worry but shit got figured out and they finally made it home safely, albeit indebted to a bail bonds agent.

Now, we are back home and our trip has come to an early end, but there will be more adventures and crazier trips to come.


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